Breaking it down...

My co-worker, a sassy nurse from Newfoundland, asked me if I knew how to send her friends a video through email, because the video was too big. I said to her that she should start up a DropShots account. She could download her video to the site, and then send the link to her friends via email.

She had her mouth slightly open like I rattled off Shakespeare in Greek. I asked her, "Was that a little over your head?"

She replied, "Yeah, explain it to me in Newfie-nies." *

I broke it down to her, only in my own cheeky way...

"Well, you put ta ting in ta ting... " Translation: Well, you put the thing in the thing...

* We refer to people from Newfoundland as Newfies... they also have a unique accent. Check out the show, "This Hour Has 22 Minutes," or the movie, "The Shipping News," with Kevin Spacey.

The key word here is RESTRAINT.

Do you sometimes wonder what it takes to drive someone over the edge and make them go postal? I have a theory that they had to deal with idiots on a daily basis. Whether they be co-workers or customers.

I can't go into too much detail on our procedures for lateness and keeping appointments, but when you're late... you are late, and too bad, so sad, we have gone on to the next appointment. When you take into consideration not all clients keep to their scheduled time with the doctors, or doctors being called away for emergencies, we have to keep moving or forever fall behind.

I keep saying to people, be on time. You wouldn't check into your flight ten minutes late and expect to be still going on the plane. Although they would ask you to check in three hours early, so I'm not sure that's the right analogy.

I don't resemble the Charmin man from the Charmin commercials... so there is no squeezing here.

"Can't you just squeeze me in?" No. No squeezing. We have a policy against squeezing clients or so-workers. Again with the plane analogy, "Our flight is full sir, but I'm sure it'll be okay if you stand in the aisle.

"It'll just take a minute..." A minute for me to put you in maybe... but I know few doctors that can diagnose in a minute.

"You'd be doing me a huge favour!" Yeah, and what would I get in return. A headache and no Excedrin.

Stare at me some more. Nope, my statement hasn't changed... there are no appointments available. Staring at me won't change my mind, but it will make my feel sorry for you. Contrary to popular belief, the Jedi Mind trick doesn't work.

Sulking... that's what I had today. An elder came in ten minutes late for her appointment and complained when I told her it was too late.

"I drove twenty minutes to get here."

"I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do."

"I'm not made of money."

"Hm hmm."

"Gee whiz."

It came to that... 'gee whiz.' And then she stood and stared... with a pout.

Then I gave in. Not because I felt sorry for her, but I was ashamed to call her an elder. Let's set an example for our youth, if you can't get your way... pout. "Sit down, please." I said with disgust. I just wanted her out of my sight.

If I sound bitter... I am. Today was a bad day... only because of her. I'm not so uncaring that I wouldn't have put her in, if she was on the last of her heart medication, or she was greiving the loss of a loved one and needed to talk to the doctor. I've made exceptions in exceptional cases.

Now, she didn't thank me... to her, it was expected of me... to make a compromise. You tell me, am I justified or being judgemental?

Kara, Matt & Co. coming home!

I follow the blog The Adventures of Matt, Kara, Hunter and Cavan in Faro, Yukon. I know Kara and Matt from when they lived here in Hay River, and their adventures of taken them from Kugluktuk, Nunuvut (check that out on MapQuest) to Faro, Yukon, adding a couple of family members on the way. Anyways, they shared by Facebook email that they are coming back to Hay River, and our little group of friends and my immediate family are excited they are coming to visit.

Coke addiction status...

Day 8 of my trials of quitting colas, and it's gone actually easier than I thought.

My co-workers ask me how it's going and I tell them its going good. I wonder if they're actually expecting me to go stark-raving mad and forage through the recycling box for the last drops of Coke from bottles and cans. But nope... all is good.

I went to see Star Trek on Saturday night (awesome, BTW, thank-you), and went to the concession counter for my usual. The usual consists of a large layered combo (large popcorn w/ layered butter and a large drink) and I was going to substitute the Pepsi with fountain peach juice. However, the peach juice was empty and I almost gave in. Okay, I did give in, and I asked for a Pepsi. The young counter attendant then asked me, "Is it okay if it's warm? We have no ice." It's only then that I said, maybe just change the pop with a bottle of water. Not only did I barely thwart drinking Pepsi, I saved four bucks. And if I was to give in to drinking Pepsi or Coke, it would have an ice cold one.

By the way, I have to give kudos to an old school chum for quitting drinking colas on June 1st. He read my blog after I posted the link on Facebook and he commented that he had quit. I don't know whether he quit because of what I wrote (which would be cool), or he did this before I wrote my rant and coincidentally quit drinking cola the same day. But in either case, congrats Gordon Starko! May we start the "Stop the Pop" Revolution! (Actually, school kids already did.)

I work in a clinic and one of our locum doctors and a nurse practitioner read my blog on me quitting drinking cola. One suggested that we post it somewhere and that it was a very good article (B-L-U-S-H).

I was going to quit drinking pop all together because I would be less likely to fall back in with cola, but I slipped today. Isn't "slipping" the term that recovering addicts use when they screw up? Anyways, there was a big accreditation day BBQ at the hospital today because we did well on the accreditation and we're a leading practice. So I get my burger, I get my pasta salad, I get my ice cream, and I get my punch. After I've drank half my punch do I stop and say to my wife, "Don't they put 7Up in this?" To which they said they did. I was truly disappointed with myself but my wife told me not to be too hard on myself. I did impress the diabetic nurse and the dietitian when they heard I quit drinking cola. Jennifer, the dietitian, also said that her husband stopped drinking cola too.

Okay, I won't be too hard on myself, but I won't be buying any other bottles of pop either. Next thing you know I'll be drinking Pepsi Coke speedballs (Coke & Pepsi combined) out of a dixie cup out back of the soup kitchen... just kidding. By the way, Interesting Fact: mixing half Sunny D orange juice with half Pepsi equals a taste not unlike apricot juice. I also worked at a gas station convenience store and we were very bored on a Sunday.

Definition of Procrastination (and a rant about viruses and internet explorer)

Definition of procrastination??? See pic in upper right hand corner of blog. Yeah, that's me. My last entry was May 21. It's now June. Although my last blog says May 26th, I actually didn't finish it until tonight.

In my defense, my computer caught a bug. Oddly during my typing, an audio clip started playing. And it sounded like something you'd hear on America's Funniest Home Videos or something, except there was no video. And although it was harmless enough, a little toddler speaking gibberish at a mile a minute while his or her parents were laughing hysterically.

However, when this gibberish comes on it sounded like someone playing a record backwards and a voice spoke to you (albeit in gibberish) to tell you your soul belonged to someone else... it kinda creeped me out. Especially all my talk about the paranormal in my last blogs.

Another audio clip played the features of the new car in the Nissan lineup.

And another was some kind of audio of some supermodel getting interviewed about getting painstakingly painted by hand for three hours... I wish I had the video for that one...

But then typing my last blog entry, my internet explorer would boot me... mid sentence. It was a good one too. But I tell you, trying to get the essence of a joke you wrote four times down in a blog is extremely hard, especially when you think you got it right the first time.

So I did a virus check with my Security program (infurity program would be better, although I know infurity isn't a word) and it showed there was nothing wrong with my computer. So calling my employer's techie guru, Rob, (I'm sure he wasn't happy I called him at home) he told me I might still have a virus, and told me about Windows Live OneCare, where I thoroughly scanned and repaired my computer. It found one minor and major problem and fixed both.

Rob also told me about Firefox web browser and that it might have less problems than Internet Explorer (patooey, I spat on thee!). Firefox seems to be working for me.

So, after getting all of this done, the last thing I wanted to do was be creative and type what I was going to type. Instead I decide to numb myself from the neck up and play my Facebook applications.

Does anybody know a phone number for a good exorcist? I heard the gibberish again...

The end of an era... me hopes!

Alas, I've come to end my thirty some year addiction to colas and sodas in general. For years I would choose a camp in which shout whether I chose Coke or Pepsi, but no more. I will not be shamed into choosing a side only to impress friends. I will no longer support the sugary goodness, hyper-promoted, conglomerate companies of Pepsi-Cola or Coca-Cola Ltd. If you were to ask me how long I've been clean of glucose-fructose carbonated water, I can say with gleeful ephasis.... it was just after lunch today*... and damn, I miss it already.

But, isn't admitting your powerless one of the first steps to recovery?

About a week ago, I read an article in Yahoo! about the ill effects of drinking too much Cola. And again today, another article about drinking too much cola appeared in Yahoo. See, I may have mentioned that I have not had the best luck with my health.

Too much soda (main ingredients sucrose, glucose & caffeine) can cause your potassium levels to lower. Now I happen to know my potassium levels are acceptable, but lower levels of potassium can cause a condition called hypokalaemia which can cause:

1. decreased muscle strength (and all of my male friends can attest that I'm no that strong to begin with. The only way I'm beating them at hand to hand combat is in Halo).
2. cramping (check)
3. palpitations (what?! Sorry, I couldn't hear you over my skipping heartbeat)
4. nausea (urp...)

In extreme cases, it can cause:

1. heart trouble
2. paralysis

I kid you not.

So this was a factor in my decision to stop drink cola and soda in general, plus the fact it's bad for your teeth, high sugar content and it's "Liquid Satan**." Plus, let's look at some numbers.

I consumed on average anywhere from 1-2 600mL bottles of pop a day. So, averaging 900mL a day times 365 days in a year is 328,500mL in a year or 328 litres a year. If ten percent of that is actually sugar, than I've digested 32,850 mL (3,285 litres) of sugar in a year. Measure a cup of sugar and eat that, then imagine doing that some 13,139 more times to equal my sugar intake for a year.

Now cost. If I average 1.5 sodas a day at a dollar a day (round number) times 365 days in a year, I've spent $547.50 Times that by say thirty years and that comes to $16,425. Coka-Cola and Pepsi-Cola should buy me a bare bones Mazda 3. However, I live north of the 60th parallel (look on a map for those of you who don't know) and the average cost of a 600 mL bottle of pop costs 2.00. The cost now is $32, 850 over thirty years. Ahem... Coke and Pepsi-Cola Ltd., I'll take take that Mazda 3 loaded to the nines, thank you very much.

I am pleased to say now I am at week one (as of June 1st, 2009)... and even my co-workers are proud of me and asking me how the cola addiction is going... I tell them I'm still going strong... and taking one day at a time.

*This was the blessed blog, I wrote and rewrote four times. I was going to be pulling out hairs from my head or wires from my computer... see next blog entry.

**This was what writers Rory Freedman & Kim Barnouin call soda in their book, Skinny Bitch. I saw it in their interview, I didn't read their book.

My Paranormal Experience

I like to watch a show on A&E called Paranormal State. A team of students from Penn State investigate hauntings using what equipment they have available, a couple of psychic mediums they will bring to the sight, and expertise from the paranormal world such as the author/investigator of The Amittyville Horror. Ryan Buell is the team leader, and I take him with a grain of salt because I believe he has an ego that gets in the way of an effective investigation from time to time. But the evidence they've gathered over some of the shows is impressive and not concrete and proof positive. When something happens such as a chair moving, they are not quick to say a ghost did it, but usually say "it's not conclusive evidence, but the timing is pretty coincidental."

I like the fact that they don't come out and say... "I SAW a ghost." But are willing to believe that there is a possibility of a paranormal activity. And what I can say is, "I did not see a ghost." But let me tell you my story.

It was late in the summer of 1993, and I was hired on to finish the last month of the forestry season at Hart Lake Tower in the Northwest Territories. The tower is situated about sixty kilometres west of the small community of Enterprise, just two kilometres off of the Mackenzie Highway. The tower location overlooks a seventy five foot escarpment and has a great view of the forest from Hay River to the Mackenzie River. You can see the Great Slave Lake from here and can see the seventeen storey apartment building in Hay River some 26 aeronautical miles away with you bare eyes. It's quite a picturesque view.

I only had about a week left of my month at the tower. I had explored the cabin where I was staying, the storage shed nearby and the surrounding area by foot. The sixty foot tower had only a cupola but gave an even better view of the surrounding forest.

The evening in question I had been writing letters by candle light at the kitchen table to my friends back in BC where I was planning on returning after my job was done. Taking a break to go to the washroom (located handily about eighty feet from the cabin, also called an outhouse), I enjoyed the quiet night air. The clouds were hanging so low that the flashlight beam looked solid in the air, and the clouds looked within reach from the cupola of my tower. The clouds were so thick that there was no moonlight, no stars and it was completely dark. The darkness also hushed the woods as no creature made a sound, as if any movement would make their presence known to predators. The highway nearby was also silent as it was after midnight and when the Mackenzie River ferry shuts down for the night... so does the traffic.

But the darkness wasn't scary, it was comforting. And the silence wasn't eerie, it was peaceful. What I'm saying is that my imagination was not influenced by the environment. I do have an imagination, but I was not in the least letting my imagination wander.

So, after I returned to the cabin and sat at the kitchen table, I continued on with writing a letter to one of my friends. My back was to the door and the only light in my cabin was the candle by which I was writing. When inexplicably I could smell cologne. I thought that was odd because in my exploration of the cabin I found no cologne and I didn't bring any cologne (after all, there were no women here to impress). I chalked the odor up to my imagination and continued writing, mentally choosing to ignore the smell.

It was as if my thoughts were as plain to read as the headlines of a newspaper, because the smell got stronger as if saying, "Don't ignore me." Instantaneously the hairs on my arms, neck and cheek stood on end, and I indeed recognized the cologne as Old Spice. I also felt like the someone wearing the cologne was standing right behind me between me and the door (also the only exit to the cabin). I slowly turned my head around to glance behind me, I guess to prove there was no one standing there as I felt and that I wasn't a coward. I didn't see anything between me and the door and yet I felt like someone was still there. I turned my head back in the direction of the letter and pen (still in hand) and even spoke out loud to this 'spirit.'

"Grandpa (I called it Grandpa because the smell automatically made me think of my Grandpa who died when I was about thirteen), I'm a little busy right now. Could you come back later?"

Trust me, I really didn't want it to come back later, and I sounded like a young man very unsure of himself speaking this out loud isolated for miles and miles with no vehicle. But as soon as I finished speaking it, the scent disappeared and so did the sense of a presence behind me.

I spoke out loud again, "Ooooookay! It's time for bed."

I blew out the candle and felt my way in complete darkness to the bed, I felt absolutely terrified of even looking in the direction of the dresser mirror by my bed... afraid I'd see something, even though it was completely pitch dark. I crawled into bed, covered my head with the blankets and listened to the silence and the blood pumping through my ears. Eventually, after a long while, I fell asleep.

Nothing happened for the rest of my stay. Two seasons later I returned to Hart Lake Tower and stayed for the entire season not experiencing anything more.

I did find out that was an elder Native gentleman who worked at Hart Lake Tower and even called the place home, even though eight months of the year he resided in Hay River. He died previous to my first stay at the Tower, and I don't know whether I was his replacement or just finishing off the season for someone else.

It's not unusual for Native people to call their elders Grandpa or Grandma even if there is no relation, and it's not considered disrespectful to do so. So, I think that perhaps that spirit thought I was addressing him. I don't think my Grandfather chose Hart Lake Tower to come visit me.

So perhaps I have a paranormal sniffer because the next story also involves scent.

A plane was reported missing with my friend on board. A fellow musician and friend since high school. He was always friendly and would stop to chat with me. He had listened to my tape I had put together of my singing at Karaoke bars and encouraged me to keep performing. We had jammed together and he always wanted to collaborate on a project together. Despite his popularity with his friends, elders, youth, and the community, he could always make you feel like the center of attention.

His plane didn't arrive and it was reported missing December 31st, 2001 (an easy day to remember). I remember being at work shortly after New Year's waiting for word on the plane. All day I was thinking of him and imagining that he was at the plane wreckage playing fiddle around a fire that he had built keeping the other passengers warm and entertained. Near the end of my shift, I was informed that his plane was found and there were no survivors. Although expressionless I finished my shift, not letting the youth under my care as a young offender's officer know what I was feeling.

I got in my rental car (our vehicle was in a car accident a couple of weeks previously) started it up and drove home. And as soon as my car was on the highway, I started sobbing. I was grieving the loss of a good friend. And then I could smell the odor of someone who had been hanging around a campfire. I looked in the rear view mirror and so no one in the back seat, and then turned around to look in the back again seeing no one. I turned my attention to the road again and realized I had stopped crying and felt better. I felt like my friend had paid me a visit to let me know that he was in a better place now and that everything was good.

I know that it probably sounds cliche and that there are doubters out there who doubt such experiences, but that's okay... I'm a skeptic believer... and I've never seen ghosts.